Kristin Cavallari’s Guide to Picking up Other Girls’ Guys

In case you missed the season premiere of The Hills last night, we’ll recap with these tips from Kristin! She used them SO well last night during her conversations with Audrina and her date with Justin Bobby.

Here’s Kristin’s rundown of sure-fire ways to steal a man!

Step 1: Mark your territory. Show ‘em you’re not afraid of a challenge by getting into a catfight over a guy you’ve known for all of 30 seconds. Feel free to be as condescending as possible and liberally throw out expletives. Bonus points if you use the F-word twice in a single sentence (as in, “You f***ing idiot, you just f***ed yourself.”)

Step 2: Find out his relationship status right off the bat. Ask your mark whether he’s “a single man,” then tactfully ignore it when that bartender chick chimes in by calling his ex a “stage-five clinger.” Rookie mistake, Stace! Don’t fall into the trap of becoming the mean girl. Instead, show him you’re fun and flirty by giggling and feigning interest in sports. Works every time!

Step 3: Stroke his ego. Compliment said guy on his prized possession (in this case, his Harley) while simultaneously getting him to conjure up a mental picture of you in mounting position. Don’t overthink this: a simple “You have a bike, don’t you? I’ve never been on a motorcycle” should do.

Step 4: Enter end game. Now’s the time to go after his ex, but instead of dissing her outright (a la Stacie) pay her a compliment that’s really more of an insult. Finish her off with an innocent-sounding snub, like “she clearly is [still] in love with you.” See what you did there? You have her looking like a psychotic stalker without even coming across as catty. Isn’t winning fun??

Step 5: Seal the deal. You’ve got your man right where you want him — now, hit it out of the park with a smooth-sounding come-on that reminds him you’re a sex goddess. Say something coolly suggestive like “I have the best bed.” And don’t worry if it’s off topic. Provocative comments are your specialty. Remember: you’re Kristin Cavallari! This poor sucker never stood a chance.

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